I am happy to write again on this great Monday. Not a good day for me. I'm having such a pain inside of me, not physical but emotional. After a my brain injury there are some things that I do or say that upset others. I know they get upset and that they don't like it. The hardest thing about all of it is to show that it is unintentional. I have never stopped loving my wife, my family, or my friends. As survivors know sometimes we have a late reaction to the consequences of our acts because of the emotional fluctuations and our impulsiveness. Believe me when I say that it brings a piercing pain when somebody gets upset because of something I have done or said. I don't know how to express it, but I'll try. It is a pain in the soul that makes you want to scream but you know is not appropriate. It is a pain that make you want to start running with no direction or destination, but again is not appropriate. It is horrible. It is a very saddening pain. It is a pain that draws me down. I know it is hard to explain. But also as a result of my injury I am dealing with an abrupt hormonal change. I have taken medication to stabilize it but it's not there yet. One of the most affected hormones is the testosterone. This hormone is at a very low. Gladly I'm going to start getting shot this week. A change in the testosterone has physical and emotional effects. These effect might explain my behavior. Progress happens everyday. Even though the impulsiveness is less than before it still happens. I hope to see the day all this will be under control.
I will put a positive face because I know that it will get better. I just pray that God give me the wisdom to face these challenges. I love you all, family, friends, providers, fans, and readers.
Readers, please share with us any suggestions on coping with impulsiveness. If you can't post here, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will post your advice.
See you all tomorrow.
"IT WILL ALL GET BETTER"