I write today a little emotional. I am coming to accept the reality of what my future might be. Please know that in no way I have lost motivation or drive.
As I strive to get better, I am facing the reality that I might have some permanent impairments. Yesterday, I had thrapy all day long. They are testing my endurance, physical and mental. We started out with a hike in the mountains. I had a hard time because whenever the ground is loaded I feel that things move. It is very hard to focus on something on the ground. It brings a lot of strain in my right eye to the point that hurts. Adding to it the headache that causes. It affects my balance and confidence. Throughout my military career I was used to excel in every task, especially physical tasks. Now I face that simple things like a walk in the mountains are hard. And the balance issues slow me down. I was used to be within the top 10% in physical tasks, now I'm the last. Even among other BI patients.
After the hike, I was taken to a shopping mall. I was given a list of goals and tasks that I had to accomplish. I could accomplish all of them. After the mall we had lunch and after lunch we had a therapy called "Healthy Lifestyles". At lunch and at the therapy I felt extremely exhausted. I could hardly stay awake. It saddens me to see that even after a year from my injury I still get mentally fatigued. It is frustrating.
Feeling these things yesterday makes me think and ask questions: How much better will I get? Am I going to be like this for the rest of my life? The hard truth may be that I will have impairments or disabilities for the rest of my life. Thinking about it saddens me deeply.
I am blessed to be alive. At the same time I feel a big part of my life was stolen from me. In my career I had a world of opportunities coming at me. Now that is gone. What God has in storage for me? I will find out.
I thank you all for allowing me to get this out of my chest. Thank you for your support. Sharing this in no way I am giving up. I will strive to improve everyday. I will get better, it's just a matter of time. I will be a success story.
Until next time.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®