I hope everybody is doing well today. I have been a little disconnected from writing in the past few days. I had an intense low back pain, cause by disc hernias. Apparently they were being pushed too far out. It didn't matter what position I was in it was painful, riding in a vehicle was the worst. But after seeing the chiropractor the pain started to decrease. Right now, the pain is there but thankfully I can manage. Ahhhh!!! So many things after the blast. I never had any pain, I hardly ever saw a doctor. Now that's a daily routine. I guess it is what it is!
It saddens me to see how this brain injury affects my wife. Though I try my best to be independent in all I do, sometimes Roxana has to come behind me to follow through. Roxana goes to school full time, works full time, and on top of that she manages the household and takes care of me. I am fully aware of the stress she has, and I understand it. It saddens me that I can't do more. I'll keep trying though.
As you may know there are feelings that come with a brain injury, to include frustration and grief. Even with the injury I'm very good at managing those emotions, but it gets to me at times. Realizing that I'm as good as I'm going to be has taken a big toll in my emotions, it has made me very sad. Since Roxana and I are so intimately connected, she knows even when I don't say a word. I can see that she wants to do more, but right now all she can give me is support. I'm at the point in which I'm rediscovering myself. Nobody can take the frustration away, only I have to deal with it and figure out a way to accept my new life.
It is very easy to become selfish after any severe injury. We have to see that the injury also affect those around us, especially our loved ones. Selfishness is something that needs to be avoided because it hurts our family and friends. They will feel forgotten, not loved and not cared off. As brain injury survivors we have to recognize the great support of those around us. They don't owe us anything. The injury is not their fault. This might potentially be a reason for divorce after a brain injury, so in order to succeed we have to give love to our spouses. Did you think this was going to be easy on them? Well, the answer is that it is as hard as it is for you, just in a different way.
Whenever Roxana and I see that the injury is affecting one of us emotionally, we sit down and talk about it. We always figure out ways to make it better. I do know that as a brain injury survivor sometimes it feels that we are in an abyss. The same applies to our spouses. They don't want to see their soul mate suffer or in pain.
My message today is: the brain injury is not the fault of our loved ones. Don't take it on them. Always have open channels of communication. Talk about it. Trust me it can be dealt with. Don't let yourself fall too far down into the abyss. If you are married don't forget that what affects you will affect the other. The vows say "in sickness and health", but you have to give love too.
God bless all of you!
"IT WILL ALL GET BETTER"